Today, as the title suggests, I got overwhelmed about basically nothing. There wasn’t a ton of work to do at my internship, and I’ve done all my school work for the week. I just got overwhelmed. The computer screen was so bright, and people around me were being difficult, and it was just a lot to take in.
It wasn’t just that I had no reason to get overwhelmed, it’s the fact that I had nothing to do that overwhelmed me. It’s like when you’re about to go to sleep and suddenly you regret that one thing you did three years ago to the lady at the supermarket and all of a sudden it’s a sleepless night of worrying about one thing after another. The empty space fills itself pretty quickly. That, plus my eyes burning, just made me want to go to sleep.
It might just be an introvert thing. I don’t know, frankly, but I’ve never met an extrovert who stresses out over the lack of things to do. They usually just…find something to do. For me, I guess there’s just a time where I’m tired of listening to the intern next to me calling the same people over and over about human waste fertilizer (not kidding) and having people email me about stuff I don’t know, and “will this be in the paper, then?” and “why didn’t you pick me for the cartoon caption contest?” and so much just….constant frustration, everywhere. It’s a cloud of frustration wherever I go, and it just seemed to follow me everywhere today.
So what do you do, when everything gives you a headache?
Take a break. I went down to the mailroom to get the mail, bought a cup of tea, washed my hands a few times in the bathroom, walked around the building. A fifteen minute break from sitting in the cubicle was a saving grace. But soon the anxiety was coming back.
And it was at such high levels. And I kept thinking, why am I stressing out, I have nothing to worry about, which just stressed me out more.
My answer is music….it seems to always help. I plugged in and let the music fill me as I worked, and God…I’m so glad I still buy my music, because I can’t figure out spotify or anything and being able to make my own playlists is a dream. Choosing what comes on next for the next 25 songs? It’s heaven, I swear.
It helped me through it. Even if doing nothing was stressy, the music made me feel less empty. It filled me up. And kept me…I don’t know…stable.
Everyone has something different. I’d suggest keeping it with you at all times. This blog is kind of disorganized, but hopefully it helps some fellow anxious introverts out there. Even though we like being alone, it’s nice to know we aren’t. There’s people like us, even if we think we’re the only ones.