Misheard lyrics: Conversation Starters

This is the first in a new occasional feature called Conversation Starters, a lifeline for introverts who hate small talk. It will be a compilation of fun topics that will get others to share their own stories and take the heat off you. Hopefully you find this useful!:) Much love

 

Misheard lyrics are always a fun thing to talk about, especially when that certain song comes on the radio. It’s a go to for me, as an introvert. Conversation dies down, but the radio’s on? Perfect time to mention how you once thought “Burnin’ love” was actually “Monkey love.”

Sometimes, the misheard lyrics are better than the real ones! Some that I’ve heard and then was disappointed when I discovered they weren’t true:

 

“From head to toe-kyo. I’m so fancy. Can’t you taste this scone?”

“Fancy” by Iggy Azalea. First of all, “Head to toe-kyo” is a great pun on Tokyo/head to toe, and I think it would have been a great, if slightly nonsensical addition to the song. On the other end of the spectrum, “Can’t you taste this scone?” makes more sense than “Taste this gold,” and is a nod to the fact that only fancy people eat scones.

 

“The happiest back-stabber in the world.”

“This Girl” by The Punch Brothers. It works better because “back-slider” is confusing and it’s much more interesting to imagine the speaker telling God he’s going to backstab him.

 

“Showin’ a funky, strong Michelle Pfieffer.”

“Beat It” by Michael Jackson. Hey, Michelle Pfieffer is funky and strong, I’d take her over a fighter anyday.

 

“I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life, I’d tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife off of me. That debtless death, good God!”

“Take me to Church” by Hozier. This is so much more dramatic than the real lyrics! Shrine of your life instead of lies. Sharpening a knife off his sinning body to achieve debtless death…I love it!

 

The two best misheard terms come from my five year old cousin Anthony. They’re not lyrics, but they’re adorable.

First is the common “Lifesaver” rather than “lightsaber.” Hey, they save lives! I think it’s awesome.

The second takes a bit of explanation. It was Christmas, and we’re over our grandmother’s house, who we call Nonny. Anthony is explaining to me all the knick knacks in her room, from the ornaments on the tree to the snowflake decorations he made in preschool. We get to an Annalee doll of Santa making a list.

“You have to be nice,” Anthony tells me. “Or she’ll put you on her list.”

“He, you mean,” I say. “Santa.”

“No, Nonny will put you on her list.”

I paused for a minute. What? …then it hit me. The naught list. Nonny’s list.

I couldn’t help myself from bursting out laughing, so hard Anthony was confused and asked what was funny. The Nonny list!

It was so cute—of course he would assume our Boston accent-laden family was saying Nonny’s list, not naughty list. But then I wondered the implications that Anthony had in his head—did he think Nonny worked for Santa? Did he think she was the one who went around the world with coal for all the bad children on her list? What kind of monster did he think our grandmother was?!

 

Mishearings are an amazing conversation starter, as everyone has a story to share. Use it next time you need to small talk, or the next time you’re on a date. Who knows? You might find out he wasn’t singing “Ate my mom” after all.

Oh, October

October is my favorite month of the year. It’s perfect sweater weather, perfect time for cider and pumpkin pie, crisp apples and falling leaves. It’s Autumn at its purest. It’s reading a book against a tree with no fear of ants crawling down your shirt. It’s the smell in the air, not quite snow but a whole lot different from the stagnant heat of summer. It’s the overcast afternoons and the starry nights, lit with bonfires….

And I’m spending the first weekend getting my wisdom teeth out and the last weekend in jury duty.

I wish I could enjoy the lovely Boston October, but I guess it will have to wait. Ah well, seasons are always lackluster compared to memories. I remember how exciting December was to me as a kid. Christmas felt like an indescribable miracle that such a day even existed. I would count the days, get a fragment more excited every hour that passed. I remember carefully picking out pajamas on Christmas Eve, so I would look nice in the pictures when I opened Santa’s presents.

Christmas Eve felt like a secret. You knew something amazing was happening the following day but there was nothing you could do but smile gently and wait til morning. October is a little like that. After all, the best day is Halloween on the 31st. You spend the whole month enjoying spooky movies and silly costume ideas, and then on actual Halloween you float through the day as if it were a dream. You dress in your costume like it’s made of icicles and attend your parties and eat your candies in a haze, and then it’s over, and October’s over, and it’s November.

There’s nothing good about November. For us in the states, we have Thanksgiving, which is just a glorified dinner, and Midterm Exams. It’s just a too-long wait til December. And after December? A far, far too long wait til summer.

I do feel lucky, being in the first day of my favorite month. I just wish I wouldn’t have to spend tomorrow getting my teeth pulled. No candy apples for me this year. I’ll have to double up on the pie.