Motivation

I am a firm believer that the more time you have, the less gets done. I have seen this proven dozens of times–I can rush out a ten page paper if it’s due tomorrow, but if it’s due in a week it’ll take me forever, or I’ll procrastinate, or whatever.

I am moving back to Boston tomorrow. Allston, actually. Usually I’d be super prepared, but between all the hours of doing nothing I hadn’t had the time.

Since I’ve gotten back from the Netherlands, nearly a whole month has passed. What do I have to show for it? …nothing. I feel like a lump. I haven’t accomplished a single thing except binge-watching seven seasons of Archer, taking care of the dog, and reading one book. I’ve barely written, and certainly haven’t packed. I’ve been putting off so many things, just because I can.

Soon, it will all change. I’ve excited for the tonal whiplash to encompass my life. I’m ready to be working my ass off again. I’m ready for class, internship, work, homework–work hard, play hard, right?

…I just need to find the motivation to actually do these things. I gotta stop being so lazy!

Okay. 1, 2, 3, lets go.

Infodump: The Musical

I love the sound strawberries make when you cut off their top. You can hear their hollowness. They’re so rubbery.

I’m eating strawberries as I write this, for the full picture. I think visuals are important, especially in a musical. I’m calling this post a musical because it’s going to be like one of those montage musical numbers, when they build the barn or train for battle or Simba grows up while walking across a log or whatever.

Hi. I’m Christina. I know it’s been awhile, so, hi. What have I been up to, during this summer of non-blogging? I’ve been working, writing for a local paper. I’ve been cooking a lot, I’ve been getting better at ukulele, I’ve been DM’ing a Dungeons and Dragons campaign for my friends from high school, I’ve been playing Pokemon Go, I’ve been enjoying these rare months being in the same state as my boyfriend, and, somehow, I’ve been writing fiction in between. I’ve also been knitting, sewing, crafting, reading. I’m reading Lord of the Flies now since I never did in school and, my, it’s (unsurprisingly) amazing.

I leave for the Netherlands in three weeks. I’ll be travellouging a bit on here I’m sure, as I said I would. I’m thinking of also doing a separate travellouge for my family. I’m also also thinking of doing a travellouge in the voice of Bojack Horseman.

The Netflix series Bojack Horseman is one of my absolute favorite shows of all time, and I thought it might be fun and soul-searchy to write a blog as if I were Bojack. I made a little Bojack doll out of old shirts. We’ll see what happens.

What else? I went to Newport Folk Festival, what a wonderful time. I got into wearing sunhats.I feel like every sentence I write could have been a blogpost, so this musical idea kinda works.

I missed venting to the internet.

As for my head, I’ve been managing myself alright. I’m nervous about having to make new friends overseas, but I’ll manage. Somehow, I’ll manage.

For now, I just have to say goodbye to my boyfriend (again…again) and pack, and in three weeks I can worry about the “friend” business.

The strawberries are gone. The music fades, just like summer.

Hi. I’m Christina, and this is Introvert Playground!

Finding balance in summers and godmotherliness

My cousin is now two months old, which means my godmotherliness is two months old as well. It’s strange being a godmother, because it’s extremely…not strange at all. Nothing changes for me, or for my godson. It affects only who’s in his baptism pictures. And yet, it feels like there should be more to it.

My godmother took me on an amazing trip after I graduated high school. We went white water rafting down the Grand Canyon, and spent a few days in Vegas as well. She’s always been in my life, as a very close person to me. It helps that she’s my aunt as well.

I’m just Joseph’s cousin. Sure, I’m nearly 20 years older than he is, but I don’t have Aunt status. What does my lowly godmother status even mean, for any of us?

Nothing, I guess.

Even so, I decided not to take it lightly. People can benefit a lot from parent-like influences from non-parent sources. I already love his two older brothers with all my heart, and even though he’s an infant and all infants are basically the same, I love him too.

I decided to keep a little notebook for him. I’m writing to him daily about just, whatever. Maybe I’ll give it to him when he graduates if I can’t afford to take him to the Grand Canyon and all. Maybe I’ll do it for another few months and forget it. I guess we’ll just wait and see.

It’s February, and people have given up on their resolutions. What makes us do things? What gives us the energy to change something in our everyday lives? How do we make something a habit? These are all questions I hope to address in my own life. With my boyfriend in Mexico and a crazy –hectic work schedule, I’m trying to figure out a way to organize my life so I have ample time to write, practice music, read, and study, but even without the extra stuff I’ve barely time to sleep.

The other question here is, how much is too much? I thought work and class would be too much…it’s a lot, but it’s not too much. So now, with my time, I feel like I need to fill it with enriching myself. I was talking about this coming summer, and how it will be difficult to find a good internship since my current one lasts until June, and most summer internships start in June. My mom suggested I take a break. The thought had never occurred to me. Take a break? But I have a future to build…a break?

It sounded better and better the more I thought about it, but also more and more frivolous. A break? I could work on my internet presence, this blog thing I’m trying to get going. I could write, I could follow my boyfriend wherever his internship takes him, I could spend time with the aforementioned godson. Submit to literary magazines. I could even like, do nothing.

So, summer and godmotherliness combine into one: what do we do with these open concepts? Nothing, or everything? Fill them with meaning, or let them collapse into what they are present-day? Do I put all my energy into something people expect me to do nothing with, or make something out of it?

There are pros and cons to both. I will probably do what I believe is always best in any given situation—find balance. I can be a godmother without being a mother, and I can have a productive summer without doing everything (or nothing). Balance, I believe, is the key.