My cousin is now two months old, which means my godmotherliness is two months old as well. It’s strange being a godmother, because it’s extremely…not strange at all. Nothing changes for me, or for my godson. It affects only who’s in his baptism pictures. And yet, it feels like there should be more to it.
My godmother took me on an amazing trip after I graduated high school. We went white water rafting down the Grand Canyon, and spent a few days in Vegas as well. She’s always been in my life, as a very close person to me. It helps that she’s my aunt as well.
I’m just Joseph’s cousin. Sure, I’m nearly 20 years older than he is, but I don’t have Aunt status. What does my lowly godmother status even mean, for any of us?
Nothing, I guess.
Even so, I decided not to take it lightly. People can benefit a lot from parent-like influences from non-parent sources. I already love his two older brothers with all my heart, and even though he’s an infant and all infants are basically the same, I love him too.
I decided to keep a little notebook for him. I’m writing to him daily about just, whatever. Maybe I’ll give it to him when he graduates if I can’t afford to take him to the Grand Canyon and all. Maybe I’ll do it for another few months and forget it. I guess we’ll just wait and see.
It’s February, and people have given up on their resolutions. What makes us do things? What gives us the energy to change something in our everyday lives? How do we make something a habit? These are all questions I hope to address in my own life. With my boyfriend in Mexico and a crazy –hectic work schedule, I’m trying to figure out a way to organize my life so I have ample time to write, practice music, read, and study, but even without the extra stuff I’ve barely time to sleep.
The other question here is, how much is too much? I thought work and class would be too much…it’s a lot, but it’s not too much. So now, with my time, I feel like I need to fill it with enriching myself. I was talking about this coming summer, and how it will be difficult to find a good internship since my current one lasts until June, and most summer internships start in June. My mom suggested I take a break. The thought had never occurred to me. Take a break? But I have a future to build…a break?
It sounded better and better the more I thought about it, but also more and more frivolous. A break? I could work on my internet presence, this blog thing I’m trying to get going. I could write, I could follow my boyfriend wherever his internship takes him, I could spend time with the aforementioned godson. Submit to literary magazines. I could even like, do nothing.
So, summer and godmotherliness combine into one: what do we do with these open concepts? Nothing, or everything? Fill them with meaning, or let them collapse into what they are present-day? Do I put all my energy into something people expect me to do nothing with, or make something out of it?
There are pros and cons to both. I will probably do what I believe is always best in any given situation—find balance. I can be a godmother without being a mother, and I can have a productive summer without doing everything (or nothing). Balance, I believe, is the key.