And so, I’ve returned from another traveling adventure to find the runway missing.
It’s not important what’s wrong; the important thing is that I left on top of the world, had a great time in Greece and Iceland, and came back to turmoil.
Things could be worse, one voice in my head immediately chimes in. You are not dead yet. All is not yet lost!
We are undeniably fucked, another replies. Things will never be as good as they were, again.
No! Have hope! Find solutions! We can survive this!!!! the first voice shouts back, trying already to dry tears I haven’t yet had the chance to cry.
My word of the year was “courage.” And Courage can only exist at the same time as fear.
Well, I have fear, too.
And right now, while all the different parts of me try to calm me down prematurely, I know that the real answer is to do nothing and just feel how I feel. To wait, to gather information, to see the playing field in its entirety before planning my next move. To feel these emotions before I try to stifle them, shove them into presentable packages. To scream and freak the fuck out for a little bit and to let that be okay before putting myself back together again.
Avoiding emotions just makes them feel worse. Acting too quickly can bite you in the ass.
Fear, yes, but also courage–and patience. All is not yet lost, but I’m allowed to feel like it is.
I’ll figure it out, when the time comes. I always do.
Introvert Playground 